On Relationship Management
Marriage responsibility, how to nurture a long-last relationship, family, friends and romantic-Commitment and Loyalty is a currency for relationship.
“Rather than wasting time making the right decision, make the decision right.” Dr. Ellen Langer
Hii, hope you’re feeling okay, and if not, I’ll pray for your health.
Today marks as Holy Wednesday or Ash Wednesday. Entering the Holy Week always gives me a goosebumps because it reminds me of the Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross for all of us. I hope you have a wonderful journey in this Holy Week.
For today, let’s talk about Relationship Management. This topic is based on the Interview from “Career and Relationship” project that I conducted on last February.
But first, if you haven't read the first edition, please read through this link:
Hope you enjoy it. Let’s go!
What are you looking for in a relationship?
If this questions were asked to me, it would took half an hour for me to comprehend and to combine the word and sentence. Relationship needs a two-way conversation and to form a conversation, everyone who joins the relationship must bring something to the table. A productive conversation between two or more people requires energy and time, to my experience, all the energy that is invested to the conversation is worth it.
However, before tuning into a certain relationship, we need to make sure what kind of people we are, because in many cases, the people that comes into our life, especially into a romantic relationship, we tend to attract a person who is similar to us.
Most of the people I asked are looking for a healthy relationship with an emotionally and mentally stable man/woman and so am I. However, a relationship is too demanded, there’s just so much responsibility to be taken care of and the question is: Is relationship worth of the price? Absolutely, through relationship with human, our skill as a human will be sharpened well.
Imagine you’re hoping to be a better leader, and there’s no way you can be a good leader without interacting with other people. If you want to better understand what type of person you want to spend the rest of your life, you have to interact with other people. So, pursuing a relationship is worth of the price.
Then, in a romantic relationship, what is the real thing people want from their partner?
It varies. Some want an emotionally stable man to fulfill the needs of validation in themselves. Women mostly want a man who can protect them, and men mostly want a woman with whom they can share many things together. “I’m able to go anywhere alone, but I still need a companionship, men. Sometimes, I need validation that my presence in someone’s life is truly matters.” said Angel (not real name) after I asked her what she desperately want in a relationship.
“I want a relationship until marriage because I don’t want to spend my time with a wrong person.” Darwin stated the important of finding the true love. “A man who is patient and wants to grow together with me.” Olivia told me about why her last ex-boyfriend increased her standard for a relationship.
Certain values are included to bring to the table, and because values can be a good filter to know whether they are a good person or not.
Emi has a good list of qualities she wants in man she wants date, “a man who has full of love for his surroundings, articulate in his communication, and know how to create a healthy boundaries.” I totally agree with a list of quality for a partner considering a relationship is another medium to express your truest feeling with your partner. Weltri highlighted that words. He said that relationship (soon to be a marriage) is a tool for growth in the next phase of life.
As a married couple, Yekrita told me that as a wife, she had someone whom she can rely on, a person to talk about serious thing and to the most silly ones. Sakti added that if you desire a marriage, you should have a good principles with your partner (at least the definition of the principles). However, economic situation also plays a huge role in marriage relationship. Communication still the most important part to solve certain problem. Bernando said that communication in all forms was important and every conversation serves its own meaning and purposes.
How do they nurture the relationship they have? and What if they trapped in a toxic relationship?
People have different ways on how to nurture a long-lasting relationship. It related to our past relationship and mostly to how our family treat us in house. Any bad behavior between siblings or how the parents treated us can cause bad pattern in the future relationship. If parents tend to not provide healthy boundaries, for instance, possessiveness, it may cause insecurities or worries to future relationship. Healthy communication and understand each other are key important part to sustain and appreciate the relationship.
“Be yourself,” Ezra said, “being another person or trying to fit their life, I don’t think it’s a good way to sustain a relationship. Being true to yourself is truly matters.” he added. “Don’t ever try to control or change your partner.” said Rut (not real name). “I was trapped in a toxic relationship for such a long time, it’s just hard to escape from this relationship.” I nodded and asked her, “Why does it so hard to escape that relationship, by the way, Ruth?” She took a deep breath and said, “the routine, I’m afraid of the void I will experience of losing him.” Lots of expertise said that it was so hard for someone to escape a toxic relationship. What do you think?
Setting a healthy boundaries and goals are important too. By aligning the definition of boundaries and goals of both parties, it will help make the relationship productive.
In my latest call with a good friend of mine she said, “find a person who can cherish your dream and not limit your choices.” Darwin also said that if his partner was questioning his choice, he would probably leave the relationship. Through goals and boundaries, it helps both parties to fill the void in each heart and support each other dreams.
Another way to treat your relationship is bring it to God. Ask your partner to pray together in order to understand God’s desire for your relationship. I know, it may sound so hard to do and some couples find it awkward to practice because talking about God can nerve-wracking. Yekrita told me that she and her husband constantly bring each other into pray. This kind of routine gives a fresh reminder for them that they will always be protected by God.
What about marriage, a serious relationship?
Stepping into a serious relationship can be daunting and challenging. Commitment and loyalty become the currency for both parties.
“Commitment is way to expensive to purchase. Probably, not all people can purchase that price, I think.” Yehezkiel said.
Marriage has a lot of to-do lists. As Sakti said to me, “Understand each other, support each other’s dreams and ideas, work together to pay the bills, respect each other.” Provide each other’s need for love, express the love language, and to give each other respect. The demand of marriage is probably high but it contributes to healthy well-being. A healthy relationship contributes to productivity boosts in their life. Don’t ever make your partner feel neglected. Don’t you believe that when you express love, it doesn’t mean they felt loved by you. Hopefully, your love is felt by your significant other.
The responsibility that one has to take can be a good alarm for them to wake up every morning. I think, this could relate to what Jordan Peterson said about taking a responsibility and do that for real.
It’s important to have a relationship in life, at least with yourself. If you don’t have a relationship with other half, it doesn’t matter. If you experience broken friendship right now, well that’s okay too. Don’t blame yourself for mistakes you don’t contribute. My closest friends whom I ever thought I could count on serious thing., eventually I can’t.
If you have parents and family right now, be grateful for that. Nurture your relationship with them because family is an early heaven in the world. (I know there’s a toxic families out there, I pray for the goodness for you guys). If you are in a relationship but afraid of stepping into a serious commitment, then don’t rush. It takes time to build a good decision.
However, the latest podcast I watched starring Dr. Ellen Langer about mindfulness. “Rather than wasting time making the right decision, make the decision right.”
You only live one life, so no matter what you do or decide, don’t live in the worst imagination of the aftermath your decision. Sometimes, we suffer a lot more in our own imagination rather than in the reality.
Thank you for reading this story, folks. I do appreciate a lot :”).
That’s it for the second release from CaRe Project, and I hope you find it interesting. Soon, I’ll post Behind the Scene and all the advices I got from those great persons.
Well, you’ve reached the end of the story today.
That’s a wrap for today, thank you for reading. If you find this article interesting, please share this with your best friends, your partner, or other important person in your life.
Melva Bintang