“Your suffering is optional” | a conversation I heard in a cafe.
I disagreed until I watched Byron Katie.
“The only temptations that you have are the same temptations that all people have. But you can trust God. He will not let you be tempted more than you can bear. But when you are tempted, God will also give you a way to escape that temptation. Then you will be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13.
If so, why do we treat suffering as a choice? Why don’t we just accept our path and take it more seriously rather than debating whether it’s a choice or not? But, suffering is way too costly, so in today’s era we can actually bargain the price of it. Yet, bargaining the price of suffering? In order for what?
“I wanted to get my master’s degree, but I think, I have to take care of my family first here. If only I can go now.” Anita sighed bitterly. I deeply understand how ambitious she is but too many obstacles are there upon her. Brat jumped into the discussion, “Actually, that’s your choice to take care of your family.” I took a deep breath and it hitched my heart. I lost words, and even Anita didn’t want to continue her story. We remained silent for a moment, then the waiter came with the bill.
I kept thinking about his words that suffering was a choice. Anita could’ve left all of her family and pursued the thing she wanted, but there was a moral compass she wanted to obey first. Imagine if she truly went out to a big city. However, the reality, the moral responsibility she must took over, I know it’s hard, but sometimes it wasn’t only a choice. Sometimes, it’s just the reality, it’s just family stuff because not everything rotates in our will. Because, who are we, trying to make everything in line so that we can go get our dreams without this responsibility?
I could feel the sense of this anger until I watched Byron Katie on Big Think. Psychologist Byron Katie, known for her method ‘The Work,’ argues that suffering isn’t about what happens to us but how we react to it.
She explained the whole thing on how to see suffering as an option. Rather than trying to say that you can choose the suffering you want, she taught about how to respond when suffering hits. It’s not always choosing the best one, sometimes the reaction we give is the best of all.
So before you feel small in your path right now, try to ask these questions: “So, before you feel small on your path, ask yourself: Is it true? Can you absolutely know it's true? How do you react when you believe that thought? Who would you be without it? These questions may not erase the suffering, but they can transform how we live through it.”
In my struggle to face all of my suffering, I see that it’s comfort is not something we chase. Comfort is about how we respond, and how we react to our suffering. Someone who is eager to ask those questions deeply will find the courage to win the battlefield.
So, please, it’s not always about the -want- that you need. Those battlefields you found are actually things you needed the most unconsciously. Once you heard a conversation saying that every choice is an option, please take it to your heart that probably he/she has the courage to ask those 4 questions without feeling small and exposed to this universe.
Be kind to yourself.
Appreciate you reading.
Thank youu.